short funny affirmations

195. And a funny bone., 10. 35. My future is a golden, sparkly, explosion of fucking awesomeness. The only power you have is the word no. So with that being said, heres a list of funny affirmations to motivate you to come out of your comedic shell. 200. 180. Without further ado, lets look at 20 funny affirmations to build your self-esteem. 225. Yesterday I did nothing and today Im finishing what I did yesterday. Because seven ate nine. My body belongs to me and I can set boundaries around it. 34. Hes dreaming too. No man goes before his timeunless the boss leaves early. 31. You may think youll never get over it, but you will, and youll be fine., 7. Love your enemies. To thrive in life you need three bones. Then perhaps youd find value in these articles on. You might enjoy: Affirmations: 13 Answers You Should Know Think about all the things you're struggling with in your life. Allow your body to absorb the positivity of your words by repeating them to yourself. Unit #2007 Mahwah, NJ 07430, 50 Funny Affirmations for Confidence, Motivation, and Self-Love, 39 Movies about Friendship and Being with Great People, Relationship OCD: Symptoms, Causes, and How to Treat, 45 Best Hobbies for Couples to Share Together, 51 Passion Project Ideas & Examples List for 2023, 21 Best Films That Explore Mental Illness, 41 Words of Encouragement for Someone in Jail, The 5 Best Vitamins for Anxiety (Our 2023 Review), 101 Toxic People Quotes to Stay Away from Negativity, 57 Strong Mom Quotes About Being a Powerful Parent, 7 Steps to Deal with Emotionally Unavailable Parents, 35 Best Songs About What Its Like to Have Anxiety. I could agree with you, but then wed both be wrong. 112. I believe we should all pay our tax bill with a smile. Chris Rock The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits. 53. If at first, you dont succeed, so much for skydiving. Jonathan lockwood huie. Opportunity does not knock, it presents itself when you beat down the door. Give your body time to absorb the positivity and let go of negative thoughts. I never apologize. Ive made it from the bed to the couch. 13. "It's only WednesdayHang in there!". 268. Giving up on myself because of one setback is like slashing my other three tires because one is flat., 10. 279. 7. Emphasis on the cool. After all, laughter is a universal way to express yourself. As you walk down the fairway of life you must smell the roses, for you only get to play one round. 1. 165. If I lose my hopes, I am afraid my mom will still scold me for taking it out and showing it to friends. I might go home today, but I will go bigger tomorrow. I am calm, patient and at peace. Today, I laughed until my abs started hurting, so I can skip the gym. .People who enjoy making other people laugh are also known to be more detail oriented. The thing is, Im still getting ready. What do computers eat for a snack? I dont need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning. Bill Murray. Its okay if people dont like me. 196. Make it inspiring. The world needs people like me to keep things interesting!, 15. What is Mozart doing right now? What better way to do that than through your own self-talk? 45 Self-Compassion Affirmations to Practice when Feeling Low. I know that I am stupid but when I look around me I feel a lot better. 132. Decomposing. When nothing is going right, go left. Heres some short funny affirmations that will hopefully brighten up your day. If everyone knew what I was thinking, I would get punched in the face a lot. Groucho Marx. Home: Where I can look ugly and not care. Its alright if you dont agree with me, I cant force you to be right. 4. Not saying I hate you, but if your face was on fire and I had a glass of water, Id drink it. For beginners who still struggle with letting their voice out, I recommend starting with funny affirmations that will relax you and make you laugh. My goal this weekend is to move, just enough so people dont think Im dead. Whoever said great things come in small packages hasnt seen my big screen TV. First, the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. Dont let anything or anyone stop you from achieving what you truly aspire. 23. 158. My feelings are just like acquaintances, they come and go. 111. You never run out of things that can go wrong. I love my body. It is, therefore, safe to say that, sense of humor. If Monday had a face, I would punch it. Today, I look at my goals. P.D. As long as I have best friends as weird as me, I have everything., 10. Albert King. Friends come and go, but enemies remain and build up. We have rounded up the best collection of funny affirmations, quotes, sayings, captions, positive thoughts (with images and pictures) to encourage friends and family to manifest their thoughts into things. Its alright if you dont agree with me, I cant force you to be right. Its not important to win, its important to make the other guy lose. 126. I live in a loving, nurturing, safe, and beautiful world. 233. Dont worry, the spider is smaller than you. 193. 48. Relaxing the mind with some funny affirmations is an easy way to reduce stress and keep yourself grounded in moments of turmoil. Why do they call it beauty sleep when you wake up looking terrible? If I want a squirrel to like me, I guess I gotta act like a nut., 6. Work smarter, not for owning iPhones, but for not fearing their breaks., 3. 254. 1. 144. They say dont try this at home so Im coming over to your house to try it. You deserve it! Repeat the affirmation as many times as you see fit. I see food, and I eat it. 262. I am here not to compete because I know I am neither the fastest nor the smartest. Always follow your heart, but remember to bring your brain along. The best things in life are free. 204. What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed? No, but April may. 144. It changes your perception and these short positive affirmations have a way of changing the way you look at yourself and feel more confident. Why is England the wettest country? I wonder, do we lazy people go to heaven or do they send someone to pick us up? 272. A backbone. 114. A committee is a group that keeps the minutes and loses hours. Im not insulting you. My mistakes dont define me. I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle. Marriage is like a walk in the park, Jurassic Park. 201. You can stop driving me crazy, I can walk from here. Whatever you must do todaydo it with the confidence of a 4-year-old in a Batman cape., 2. 229. Hello little voice inside my head, please just shut up., 14. Of course, I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice. Its called tomorrow. Did you know that having a good sense of humor is very important when it comes to social interaction? Bill Gates. 2. If youre hotter than me, then that means Im cooler than you. "In life only one thing is certain, Friday will come.". I am capable of rewriting my grievances and transforming my fears. 99. Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. All you need is love. If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else. I am thankful for all those difficult people in my life. 225. 56. Im not weird, Im just limited edition. Look, youre smiling! God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. Sincerely, yourself. I am loving all the bad experiences because they are giving me something . 227. The rhythm of the weekend, with its birth, its planned gaieties, and its announced end, followed the rhythm of life and was a substitute for it. 26. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Edward A. Murphy I am attractive just as I am. I woke up with some aches and pains, but I woke up. Why cant you play cards on a small boat? 22. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? 171. Pleasing everyone, thats impossible. How do trees access the internet? It makes them so damned mad. Because they make up everything. Every day I become calmer and do more good for the world. Excuse me, I need to go be awesome today. Positive Daily Affirmations for Women. 185. He who laughs last didnt get it. 209. Short people with an umbrella. 22. 9. Because he was always spotted. I rescued some beer that was trapped in a bottle. 230. Once you're feeling happy and confident about your sense of humor, use these 35 affirmations to navigate challenging situations with a smile. Let me gather my thoughts and crush this Monday., 15. Finding humor in a difficult situation helps me win. I only check my voicemail to get rid of the annoying little icon. 163. 278. But you're not as old as you're going to be.". 138. I enjoy taking long romantic walks, to the fridge. Everyone brings happiness to this office. The Only 100 Positive Affirmations You Will Ever Need 227. Things are getting better all the time. 181. I'm Sergios Rotar, a 21 years old personal development enthusiast. Be yourself; everyone else is already taken. We all have those days when we feel like the world is coming to an end. I dont need you to remind me of my age at work, I have a bladder that will do that for me., 8. I will tell the negative voice inside my head to shut up. Why couldnt the leopard play hide and seek? 141. 107. 125. It may look like Im doing nothing, but in my head, Im quite busy. Self-love is the greatest middle finger of all time., See also: 210 Killer Self Love Captions For Instagram To Lift You Up. What do I do for a living? 159. Let me know in the comments section down below! Effective pushing often involves poop. They are a powerful tool you can use to change your attitude, your perspective on life and shift from a negative to a positive mindset. If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me. Nobody gets out alive anyway. 38. And no, that's definitely not a bad thing! Funny Wednesday Work Quotes. 48. Im like a postage stamp. 115. Im sorry that Im not updating my Facebook status, my cat ate my mouse. Wonderwoman: single. - Benjamin Franklin. 234. Here, we are listing down some awesome funny positive affirmations that will bring out serious positive changes in you. Never forget that broken crayons can also color. I havent talked to my wife in three weeks. 146. You try again, but no sound is coming out. 6. Snowballs. 152. And a funny bone. My mom scolds me for no reason. 276. Bill Murray Whatever the case may be, a sense of humor can go a long way toward changing your perspective on negative occurrences in your life. 266. 72. 1. 136. 121. - Kyle Chandler. Charles M. Schulz Theres no stopping me now. Funny Friday Quotes. If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blanket back to your side. 197. I will shine like fireworks on the Fourth of July. 37. As a result, youll stay consistent, and with affirmations, consistency is the name of the game. 145. I experience ease and flow as I navigate my exhilarating life. How do trees access the internet? 147. "Whatever you do, do with all your might.". 224. Affirmations for wealth can be a great way of getting your thoughts in order and creating a positive outlook. I tell you what always catches my eye. After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says W T F. 204. 160. 92. If I want a squirrel to like me, I guess I gotta act like a nut. We all need a little energy boost here and there. Affirmations are a great way to change your mindset. So far, so good. Thank God Im an atheist. When you feel terrified (without your safety being in danger): 5. My past is just a bad book that deserves to be in the trash. I am naturally cool, calm, and collected. 113. 119. "I am becoming humorous day by day.". Forget the butterflies, I feel the entire zoo in my stomach when Im with you. I dont know, but the flag is a big plus. 53. - George Burns. First, read the most powerful affirmations below to build a strong mind. 231. 5. "Life is like an elevator - Sometimes it stops. Positive affirmations aren't about tricking kids into mentally looking at life with eyes that only see what they want to see. Just like every Monday does on Earth. 12. I have a healthy body, tranquil mind and a vibrant soul. 246. Ive been doing nothing for years. My to-do list doesnt include dealing with negative people., 5. Sometimes when I close my eyes, I cant see. 42. Never judge a book by its movie. 95. Who says nothing is impossible? When you fall, I will be there to catch you with love. "Life is like a roller coaster pic - scary at the moment, funny looking back.". Use them throughout the day whenever you experience negative thoughts. I hate Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, and half of Fridays. Sorry, I didnt pick up my phone, I got carried away dancing to the ringtone. He who wakes up early, yawns all day long. What do I do for a living? Most of the articles that Ive written about affirmations are about more serious topics: Lets keep things a little lighter in this article shall we? If you have crazy friends you have everything youll ever need. I'm a peli-can! Start as soon as you wake up in the morning. I will create my own magic like my name is J. K. Rowling. 44. 75 Powerful Affirmations for Self-Love - Fun Loving Families A backbone. I choose a lazy person to do a hard job, because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it. Read next: 280 Positive Money Affirmations For An Abundance Mindset, Posted on Published: January 26, 2023- Last updated: January 27, 2023, Home 90 Funny Affirmations To Start Your Day With Laughter, Fabulous List Of 120 Cute Names To Call Your Crush, 120 Follow Your Dreams Quotes To Keep You On The Track. Allow yourself to laugh if you feel the need. It has nothing new to tell you. If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the up button. 49. And in that moment I swear I still didn't give a shit. How can you not like someone who can make you laugh? You kill vegetarian vampires with a steak to the heart. Never test how deep the water is with both feet. When the past comes knocking, dont answer. Shoot for the moon. If at first, you dont succeed, so much for skydiving. "Start each day with a positive thought and a grateful heart.". Dear Monday, my mama doesn't like you and she likes everyone. If I am willing to go back to bed when I wake up, I will go and make up the bed. Using affirmations can significantly impact your outlook on life, but saying such serious statements to yourself can often make you feel silly. Charles M. Schulz. 25. Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the journey. But even if this does happen, who cares? Yeah, so is a grenade. Because their teacher told them it was a piece of cake. I am at peace with my body and accept it as it is. I am so f*cking awesome. (John 14:27) 27. We all have different and distinctive senses of humor thats what makes us such unique individuals. Positive Affirmations And Inspiring Quotes About Life Life is filled with highs and lows, sometimes, we need some inspirational quotes to help us overcome challenges of life and offer guidance to us. 30. If you steal from one author, its plagiarism; if you steal from many, its research. Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. Stop playing with me., 6. Because so many kings and queens have been reigning there. Dont give up on your dreams so soon, sleep longer. My cankles will hold me. Im not lazy, Im just very relaxed. I am fine. I am changing all my useless things into something productive by working on them. 22. I like expensive things because I learn the act of taking care from them. My liver still works. I might take a nap if I get tired, but I wont quit. Its a door, thats how they work. Sam Levenson. If Cinderellas shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off? 33 Humorous Affirmations [The Best Ones] Hmmm, this text message is a little too harsh, Ill add LOL at the end. And a funny bone. Lazy people fact #2347827309018287. What happens to a frogs car when it breaks down? All you need is love. I dont know, but the flag is a big plus. Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love. Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow as well. Run. Affirmations are an opportunity to be honest with ourselves and recognize that we have a treasure trove of power and creativity within us. No one is immune to self-sabotage, heartbreak, loss, and failure. 280 Short Funny Quotes and Sayings - Luvze No matter how bad it gets, Im always rich when I go to the dollar store. What do you call a bear with no teeth? A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing. 200+ Funny Life Quotes Dripping With Sarcasm And Wit - Scary Mommy 215. I keep moving forward even if my pants come off. 193. 23. Trust me, your secrets are safe with me and all of my friends. No matter what a mess I am, my kids adore me. You definitely dont want to kill the vibe by throwing a bad joke out there! Whenever I get back home, I lose all the superpowers that I had when with friends. 78. 58. If you want to catch a squirrel just climb a tree and act like a nut. Its not easy staying motivated for work all the time. Ive made it from the bed to the couch. Sometimes these surprises are way too spectacular and sometimes way too tragic. 174. My body deserves healthy food and exercise, not junk food or laziness. Declare your affirmations slowly and clearly. 183. A person with a great sense of humor is also more likable. You dont have to be crazy to be my friend, but it helps. Even on my worst day, Ive still got 24 hours., 6. Stressed spelled backward is desserts. If people are talking behind your back, be happy that you are the one in front. Car Dealership: The best way to get back on your feet, miss a car payment. With a cowculator. You might undoubtedly relate with them, and yet you will not feel laid back because of your weaknesses. When and How to Let Them Know, How To Cheer Yourself Up When Feeling Down, 5 Things To Discuss With Your Partner Before Marriage, Funny Positive Affirmations For Self-Esteem, 50+ Powerful Positive Affirmations For Exams, 70+ Positive Affirmations For Teens From Parents. Life is always rocky when youre a gem. 1. I dont need excuses, because I never mess things up. Lifes biggest struggle: I need to pee, but I dont want to get out of bed. Youre basically a houseplant with complicated emotions., 11. Cry a river. You can be positive and yet be funny and easy-going. 20. I radiate calmness and tranquility, with a little side of body odor., 4. Those who snore always fall asleep first. 67. My feelings are just like acquaintances, they come and go., 5. Robert A. Heinlein Maybe Monday doesn't like you either. Youre just gonna feel embarrassed for a minute or two and then it will be over. Im still gonna do dumb stuff, only slower., See also: 90 Inspiring & Funny Quotes About Ageing Gracefully, 8. Superwoman: single. 16. 156. 122. This is a snap. Im not lazy, Im on power saving mode. Your brain will only ever optimally respond to positive present tense affirmations such as " I am calm .". If you think nobody cares if youre alive, try missing a couple of car payments. 8. It takes so little to change your life! I have a new hairstyle today, its called I tried. Because someone is always sitting on the deck. Its time to be much more intentional about the words that we tell ourselves and take a step back from all of lifes noise. 176. I overcome fears by following my dreams. On Mercury, a day lasts 1,408 hours. Dont forget to drink water and get some sun. 157. Say "Thank You" - A Motivational Video On The Importance Of - YouTube 1. 153. 64. If youre hotter than me, then that means Im cooler than you. 21. Ann Landers Whats the best thing about Switzerland? 118. 7. It doesnt work if it is not open. 200 Best Sarcastic Quotes and Funny Sarcasm Sayings - Parade I lost some weight once, but I found it again in the fridge. Im in desperate need of a 6-month vacation, twice a year. 208. Treat me like a joke and Ill leave you like its funny. When you fall, I will be there to catch you with love. I am just making myself capable enough to live in the moment. I see food, and I eat it. To anybody I hurt this year, I just wanna say you deserve it. I understand people talking about me. INSPIRATIONAL positive mindset affirmation #shorts #short #shortvideo Batwoman: single. Send me the link. You may hear crickets when you try to tell a joke. I often wish I was someone else Just so I could hang around with someone as awesome as me. 62. One thing you need to remember though; if you are going to be funny, then make sure youre actually funny. What Does The Excerpt Suggest About Federalists, Big Bang Theory Gizmo Answer Key Activity A, Articles S